What an exciting time of year!
There are so many transitions that happen while raising children that prepare us and them for eventual launch. Some parents are just starting out and experiencing their first drop off at preschool and other veteran parents are unpacking boxes and setting up loft beds at college. Regardless of age or stage the tears are inevitable. These occasions serve as reminders that one day we must let go of our children.
I especially relate to a large number of my friends with high school and college age kids. I haven’t had the experience of dropping off at college, watching as we let them experience a new living space, explore a new neighborhood and transplant to a new town. I haven’t had the experience of not purchasing school supplies and I haven’t had the experience of not having them to photograph on the first day of school. I listen carefully as loved ones speak about the process of letting go… the last meal as a family, the last family picture until they return home again, the trip home leaving one of yours behind.
I believe part of this loss is the knowledge that as much as we want to believe they’ll plug right back into their lives at home during their next visit, they likely will not. The connection and dynamic may never be the same. Every time they come back they will yearn perhaps a little bit more for their “own” bed, their “own” space, their “own” routine and we, little by little, take a backseat.
There isn’t much we can do to slow the launching process. It’s something we move through as parents whether your child takes a gap year to live abroad or moves to a four year university or starts a job right out of high school. Eventually, the goal is they become independent, productive and contributing members of society. In the meantime, as we make yet another parenting adjustment, I find myself sitting with my friends listening to their heartbreak. No amount of reassurance changes their feelings but all I can do is be present, and be a witness to their humanity. Validating the loss the best we can will help those we care about feel a little more encouraged that this passage through pain is shared.
Our children begin as extensions of ourselves, we cannot imagine a time when we don’t get to make the big decisions or be a part of milestones. But there comes a time when they celebrate a birthday without us or choose to vacation with a significant other over us. Over time we become less directive and more consultative in our role as parents. Luckily we are eased into these transitions sometimes without realizing another step in the process of letting go has unfolded. And then suddenly we simply learn to trust that they have everything they need to navigate this life. And then we must begin our own lives…again.
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